if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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