I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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