i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
