i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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