I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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