Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
