I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
