Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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