: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
