and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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