he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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