Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
