Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
