Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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