How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
