It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
