Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize