bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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