how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
