My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
