my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
