Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
