david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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