I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
