my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
