you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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