I'm going to jail i love you
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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