maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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