Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
