Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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