I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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