Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this just has baby written all over it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
