2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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