yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
