I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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