Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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