love makes seman taste better
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
