He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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