Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
