she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
