My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
