You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize