If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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