The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize