Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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