we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
