I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
