turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
