I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
