I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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