Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
