just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
