No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
