Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
