i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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