Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
birth control should be required to get into college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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