do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
