So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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