if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
