So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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