She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
