I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize