shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize