Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
