I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
