I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize