So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
