Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
