The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize