The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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