Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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