1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You were trust falling into bushes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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