Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
