I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
