I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
