I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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