Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
COCAINE IS GR8
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
