it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We need to get me chipped asap
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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