life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
