1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
