The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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