help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
