im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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