I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
