I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
