I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
