She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
