I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
