Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
