i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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