i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
