Can i not drive my cunt home
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize