Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I need to align my fucking chakras
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
