He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
