we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
