if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
