it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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