This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize