a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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