The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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