listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
