So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
