How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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