dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
