So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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