Acid is not a monday night drug
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
