Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
