How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
