threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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