your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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