when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
