I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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