I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
