god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
