So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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