Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
