youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
