Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
